Sick in bed.

Sick in bed. Main activity: watch movies.
I gather everything possibly needed during the next hours: medicines, nose wipers, oranges, tea, milk, syrup, antibiotics, fluffy dog, candles, hair drier, lots of pillows and other primordial necessities for sick-bed movie watching.

Movie: Shaolin deadly kicks
Plot: 8 thugs steal an artifact from some house killing one guy in the process with a bizarre looking weapon. The artifact is some sort of treasure map (how interesting, a Chinese pirate movie?).
So far so good. The gang is now sitting in the dark in the woods and the boss decides what to do now because the police and everyone else is after them... They cleverly come up with the perfect plan to screw up the movie: the cut the artifact thing in perfect 8 parts and decide to meet up again after 3 years.

Well, if I were a treasure thief, I guess I'd do the same...
Of course, in those 3 years a "cop" named Wo Fei Fung Fu Tao Ncur Xing Feng Fui Shung (also known as The Good Guy), already found out the identity of the 8 killers and now is hunting them.

First two are easy victims. Fei Fung Fu throws around his deadly kicks and the 2 idiot thieves somehow manage to die from that. Fung Fu Tao now has 2 pieces of the map.

Third guy has a sick child and a blind mother but still he doesn't want to give up the piece for his life so they battle to the death. After endless cheap and childish robot fighting (it is moments like this when you appreciate a nice Jet Lee movie) Fu Tao Ncur cleverly kills his opponent in 3 seconds in a very artistic and emotional framework.

Forth guy from the gang finds out about the cop and "ambushes" him. 20-30 guys waiting on a mountain pass for the cop. I'm thinking: now we're finally having some nice fighting. Well... the bad guys throw 2 grenades (wtf!?!) and each of them throws one stick (reed or bamboo stick whatever, but again... wtf!?!). Wo pretends to be dead, bad guys leave happy, Wo goes after them and kicks the shit out of their boss while everyone is "assisting" by doing some sort of kata or strange menacing moves.

So Shung now has 4 pieces of the map. Right about now I realize that I'm only half way through the movie. The suspense is killing me... By the way, each empty line in this post represents a 20 seconds black screen in the movie between the scenes.

Now excuse me while I go throwing up.