Sunday, 13.30pm. I open the window and light up a cigarette. The sun floods my face with warmth. It is quite a rare sight in an autumn in the middle of Europe. It feels good. The smooth jazz playing in the background only completes the scenery.
For some strange reason, during my eye glazing over the mass of brown leaves and cold alleys around the block, a box of memory opens up in my consciousness. It is a kid - a kid I saw 15, maybe 20 years ago. I was also a kid and I was riding a bike. I remember I loved that bike. This kid, perhaps 1-2 years older then me, wanted to ride my bike. I didn't know him actually. We were just a bunch of kids gather around... we didn't need to know each other in order to interact, speak or play. So I was reticent upon giving him my bike. Once on it he could have run away with it and steal it. It is funny how since such a young fragile age we have such a mature sense of property.
So I didn't want to give him my bike to ride, not even for 5 minutes how he was begging me. That's when something interesting happened. Interesting because it marked me for life and modeled into a principle for who I am today. He stopped asking me, he just shed a tear (only one) - it was an honest tear shed out of disappointment and said the following (mostly to himself): "it is not fair, it is not fair that I don't have a bike and it is not fair that you don't let me ride yours for 5 minutes". This were exactly his words.
I remember that I didn't reacted then. I was staying in front of him having one hand clutched to my bike, looking at his resigned expression. I also remember processing the fairness information, trying to figure out if he is right and I am wrong, if what I should be doing was to give him the bike or not.
He was one happy kid riding my bike for 10 minutes and I was one scare kid that he will never return it to me. But he did; and he was happy and I stopped worrying.
I suppose the nice feeling I had back then for doing a small good thing to some stranger was similar to how good the sun made me feel this morning. Perhaps this is why I remembered that again.
Why is it so hard to be good to other people? Why can't we just trust other people for doing the right thing and most importantly... why can't we in return be good as well when other are so?
I also wonder, from this past's perspective, why people have the feeling I'm acidic when talking to (new) people... not mean, not rude... just acidic. I suppose I know that answer...
The truth is that I'm not perfect either and I know that life isn't fair... but I'm working on it. So should you!
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
The essence of what I see
I see cars, sidewalks, trams, stores, flats, steps, asphalt, cloths, shoes, hats, gloves, steps, trees, roads, houses, flowers, banks, insurances, fast foods, tobacco, cafeterias, bars, casinos, bicycles, alcohol, steps, thoughts, worries, goals, wishes, sorrows, horizon, smiles, lips, hands, steps. I also see love.
I see all this things and I'm trying to catch the essence. The essence of what I see.
People pass through life wondering more or less what is their purpose. They try to find their path. Usually they model their decisions based on what the society presents them. They setup their goals and they go for them. Other might escape the reality and allow themselves to dream, to hope and to plan. Everyone is unique. Everyone thinks differently. Everyone has some concepts of the world. Sometimes, quite rarely I believe, someone stops for a second and looks; just looks around. That someone then starts asking himself questions and sometimes they are the right ones.
One question in particular popped up recently into my life: why are people choosing monogamy? For somebody a bit familiar with animal rituals, habituation and life the question is quite serious. It is unnatural he might think. Monogamy is unnatural from the zoological development, but yet... 75% of the globe lives by the impression or persuades the idea of monogamy. We can easily split the notion into 2 categories: social monogamy and sexual monogamy. I will not go into the details of the monogamy occurrences in the animal "world" but I will mention that social monogamy appears not necessarily rare and that sexual monogamy is truly a rare feature for the critters of our planet.
Social monogamy refers to 2 individuals (usually 1 male and 1 female) living together, feeding together, joining forces and resources. Sexual monogamy implies the sexual acts happening only between 2 such individuals. Okay - we got this covered and cleared.
People (as in humans) seem atypical from this point with the other beings in our world. We tend to choose monogamy. Men still have the impulse (or instinct) of inseminating as many women as possible as women have the impulse to search the best genetic partner for the her offspring and also to find the best provider man. Those instinctual traits of our specie are natural and are the reminiscence and proof of our evolution. Evolution towards monogamy or if you don't like the term evolution we can at least agree on transmutation.
Monogamy is celebrated and encouraged by many cultures often being identified with a union. I should add that (if I understood correctly) 50% of the cultures allow polygamy and in those cultures where polygamy is allowed the rate of monogamy is around 75-85%. Quite interesting outcome.
So how come people chose and are still choosing monogamy? I see, among many factors, two main reasons. One is the fact that our children development is a very long process comparing to other species. The other one is a strange process called love.
I call love a process because it is a chemically defined process of our bodies and I call it strange because this is how it is... love is strange. Nobody managed to comprehend its full manifestation. It is perhaps the most polemically debated allegory of all times. First off - love is of many kinds. Secondly, nobody is able to explain it to the full extent because we still haven't deciphered everything about our psychic and we only can guess or hypothesize how we actually think (I'll cover some of my reflections on this later on). Make no mistake, love and thinking are closely connected. Love can also be a huge polemic from the religious and spiritual point of view. But I will totally ignore this aspect since I consider religion and spirituality two very volatile and questionable aspects.
So what is love?
Biologically it is complex process. It is the mechanism in charge with perpetuation. We have many similar mechanisms in our body and this one can be split into 3 parts as they normally occur and perpetuate: lust, attraction, affection. On each stage, once triggered, different kind of peptides (some sort of short proteins) are manufactured and released in our body (with certain targets and purposes). If you want to read more about the specifics of this chemical processes you can appeal to wikipedia, my point being generic and within the vision of monogamy. The triggers can be the pheromones, the hormones and all many other external factors (it's not all chemicals, there are also ideals, connectivity etc.).
How is all this translated into what we see?
Lust (1-3 months?):
Boy and girl meet, they start connecting, they start a relationship (powerful sexual attraction in this stage).
Attraction (3-12 months?):
Relationship develops, they discover each other, they make plans, dream, hope, get used to each other, discover themselves as individuals and much more.
Affection:
This is your long lasting love to ever happiness and to better or worse thing. Children usually appear in this stage unless "some mistake".
Affection is what stimulates monogamy in our spicy... basically you have to blame love for your tendency towards monogamy and this brings us to "cheating". It is natural in my opinion for people in a relationship to be attracted "into the vortex of lies". Affection for one partner and lust or attraction for an other can coexist "happily" together and it all ends in choosing first affection or developing the second into affection. Good, bad, natural or unnatural... it is for you to decide what makes you happier. I for one consider fidelity (sexual monogamy) first of all as an ideal of respect to myself as an individual, and secondly as principle of trust and evolution.
So here we have the main component of monogamy -> love. Love's opposite is not hate in my belief... hate is also an emotion. I believe indifference is the one. If you want to know how much you love somebody you can figure out a list of things you actually love and which are indifferent. Put it in balance with things you dislike and that's how you find your answer.
The society I see around me it is built on love. It is built on monogamy as well (more or less). Love and passion is in everything that surrounds us. This is the essence of our human kind, our spicy. Perhaps... perhaps we should try to put more emphasis on it. Think about it!
In stead of an epilogue I choose to tell you an additional information: when you're "in love" with somebody (lust stage in particular and to smaller extent the attraction stage) some of the peptides released are affecting your neuronal patterns of your brain - parts of it are shutdown and others opened. It resembles (allot) with the patterns of a mentally disturbed person. This is the part where you are acting / doing most of the irrational things. I suggest you wait a while before thinking BIG things (but not too much).
I see all this things and I'm trying to catch the essence. The essence of what I see.
People pass through life wondering more or less what is their purpose. They try to find their path. Usually they model their decisions based on what the society presents them. They setup their goals and they go for them. Other might escape the reality and allow themselves to dream, to hope and to plan. Everyone is unique. Everyone thinks differently. Everyone has some concepts of the world. Sometimes, quite rarely I believe, someone stops for a second and looks; just looks around. That someone then starts asking himself questions and sometimes they are the right ones.
One question in particular popped up recently into my life: why are people choosing monogamy? For somebody a bit familiar with animal rituals, habituation and life the question is quite serious. It is unnatural he might think. Monogamy is unnatural from the zoological development, but yet... 75% of the globe lives by the impression or persuades the idea of monogamy. We can easily split the notion into 2 categories: social monogamy and sexual monogamy. I will not go into the details of the monogamy occurrences in the animal "world" but I will mention that social monogamy appears not necessarily rare and that sexual monogamy is truly a rare feature for the critters of our planet.
Social monogamy refers to 2 individuals (usually 1 male and 1 female) living together, feeding together, joining forces and resources. Sexual monogamy implies the sexual acts happening only between 2 such individuals. Okay - we got this covered and cleared.
People (as in humans) seem atypical from this point with the other beings in our world. We tend to choose monogamy. Men still have the impulse (or instinct) of inseminating as many women as possible as women have the impulse to search the best genetic partner for the her offspring and also to find the best provider man. Those instinctual traits of our specie are natural and are the reminiscence and proof of our evolution. Evolution towards monogamy or if you don't like the term evolution we can at least agree on transmutation.
Monogamy is celebrated and encouraged by many cultures often being identified with a union. I should add that (if I understood correctly) 50% of the cultures allow polygamy and in those cultures where polygamy is allowed the rate of monogamy is around 75-85%. Quite interesting outcome.
So how come people chose and are still choosing monogamy? I see, among many factors, two main reasons. One is the fact that our children development is a very long process comparing to other species. The other one is a strange process called love.
I call love a process because it is a chemically defined process of our bodies and I call it strange because this is how it is... love is strange. Nobody managed to comprehend its full manifestation. It is perhaps the most polemically debated allegory of all times. First off - love is of many kinds. Secondly, nobody is able to explain it to the full extent because we still haven't deciphered everything about our psychic and we only can guess or hypothesize how we actually think (I'll cover some of my reflections on this later on). Make no mistake, love and thinking are closely connected. Love can also be a huge polemic from the religious and spiritual point of view. But I will totally ignore this aspect since I consider religion and spirituality two very volatile and questionable aspects.
So what is love?
Biologically it is complex process. It is the mechanism in charge with perpetuation. We have many similar mechanisms in our body and this one can be split into 3 parts as they normally occur and perpetuate: lust, attraction, affection. On each stage, once triggered, different kind of peptides (some sort of short proteins) are manufactured and released in our body (with certain targets and purposes). If you want to read more about the specifics of this chemical processes you can appeal to wikipedia, my point being generic and within the vision of monogamy. The triggers can be the pheromones, the hormones and all many other external factors (it's not all chemicals, there are also ideals, connectivity etc.).
How is all this translated into what we see?
Lust (1-3 months?):
Boy and girl meet, they start connecting, they start a relationship (powerful sexual attraction in this stage).
Attraction (3-12 months?):
Relationship develops, they discover each other, they make plans, dream, hope, get used to each other, discover themselves as individuals and much more.
Affection:
This is your long lasting love to ever happiness and to better or worse thing. Children usually appear in this stage unless "some mistake".
Affection is what stimulates monogamy in our spicy... basically you have to blame love for your tendency towards monogamy and this brings us to "cheating". It is natural in my opinion for people in a relationship to be attracted "into the vortex of lies". Affection for one partner and lust or attraction for an other can coexist "happily" together and it all ends in choosing first affection or developing the second into affection. Good, bad, natural or unnatural... it is for you to decide what makes you happier. I for one consider fidelity (sexual monogamy) first of all as an ideal of respect to myself as an individual, and secondly as principle of trust and evolution.
So here we have the main component of monogamy -> love. Love's opposite is not hate in my belief... hate is also an emotion. I believe indifference is the one. If you want to know how much you love somebody you can figure out a list of things you actually love and which are indifferent. Put it in balance with things you dislike and that's how you find your answer.
The society I see around me it is built on love. It is built on monogamy as well (more or less). Love and passion is in everything that surrounds us. This is the essence of our human kind, our spicy. Perhaps... perhaps we should try to put more emphasis on it. Think about it!
In stead of an epilogue I choose to tell you an additional information: when you're "in love" with somebody (lust stage in particular and to smaller extent the attraction stage) some of the peptides released are affecting your neuronal patterns of your brain - parts of it are shutdown and others opened. It resembles (allot) with the patterns of a mentally disturbed person. This is the part where you are acting / doing most of the irrational things. I suggest you wait a while before thinking BIG things (but not too much).
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Autumn of hope (or melancholy of the past and feature)
Cold. Freezing cold. My finger cut gloves are exposing my fingers to the cold wheel of the mutilated car I have. Harg harg harg brvuum. Good. Still works. I can be on time to catch her. I'm going to my job. It's Sunday but I have late shift. It pays the bills, more or less. I hurry on the empty streets. Brown leaves take off mayhemically after I pass by. I must slow down, the brakes don't seem to act as good as I need them.
I arrive and I also catch her. But that's an other story. This story continues a few hours later. The headache is almost gone now, so is my bitter laziness. I call it melancholy. But I'm honest with you - it is actually laziness.
First cigarette - made a tea also. Hot black tea made of tea plant. Good stuff. It is also my substitute for the daily caffeine overdose. I've been sleeping the whole week since I do this. Drinking tea instead of coffee. My body was revolted by the sudden dictatorial decision over my body. It is like the government would forbid milk to the population. Hard stuff... But I resisted. And here I am now.
In the cold. Third floor on the terrace. With a self made cigarette and a cheap zippo. Chik chik chik puuuf aaaa. But still cold. Zip of tea. Good stuff. The cold is not that bad after all. On the left the hill is still almost green. Perhaps yellowish. But the rest is a mixture or brown and green. The conifers are the only green patches actually. It's like a sea of brown waves with green light sparkles and white-gray foam - the mist is dissipating now, only oases of white-gray mist remain. It is beautiful. Zip, zip, puff, puff. In front is the parking lot. Quite small, but with a string of green grass. Curious green I might say. The young trees almost have all the leafs down.
I start thinking about that tree. Looks so fragile. For a tree I mean - it's still 5-6 meters tall. It is 0 degrees. Celsius. That would be 32 Fahrenheit (just in case you need to know that). The tree dumps all its leafs in autumn. I still find it fascinating. Why do leaves fall in autumn? It is because of thirst they say. It is not the cold triggering the falling, it is the lack of water. And trees know that in the winter they can't give all the water needed to the leaves needed for perspiration. The conifers, however, have small leaves and protected by the wax. Kind of smart for them, but also very hard to adapt to warmer climates.
Anyway, enough with the science... it is still romantic to see all those leaves on the grass. Every autumn the trees bow down their beauty when their clock says bow.
The inner clock of plants intrigues me. Where is that clock... in the trunk? in the roots? Perhaps I should go over there, lean my ear on it and listen... If I do it really careful I might hear it.
Yoga. The relaxing playlist I made on youtube has a variety of songs. This one says something about yoga. Link after link, related to related, I start playing a strange "yoga" clip. The ol' batter hindu lady presented in the clip is speaking about yoga and why is it so cool what she's saying.
I listen a bit, if there is any kind of religion or belief of life closer to my atheist mind then it would be somewhere in that part of Asia... So I listen. She speaks about soul. I can't deny the existence of soul, so I still listen to what she has to say "everyone has a soul BUT ..." Here is where I stop. She made a conclusion based on poor arguments provided by her axioms which were meant to be disclosures of the truth in any religion. Once she put the emphasis on the "but" she tried to hide her weak argumentation with some other "..." knowledge. So I simply stopped watching. It is a shame... she had such a nice relaxing voice.
I browse forward in the relaxing clips. This one is nice. I lean back on the chair, and strut my feet on an other chair and enjoy the calm of the music. My mind flows into the subject of the soul for some more time. The song is over, and look around for an other one to jack in my playlist.
One comment catches my eye. I didn't save it but it was something like she was feeling relaxed... and life after death and the joy of reunion with the universe and so on and so forth when you die. My left eyebrow raises (I hate this word, always mistyping it) a bit. Foolish simpleton. How can you confuse so bluntly the soul with your consciousness? How can you believe that your soul is your mind?
I'm an atheist and I say it proud, but even I can not discard a notion perpetuated for the millennial time of humanity without having a strong based argument. I'm speaking about the soul - I can't say that I have one or not, where I'm staying it is like 50-50... but even so... I KNOW that NO RELIGION implies that my soul is my mind... it would be hilarious... to be one with the universe and "think" boy that supernova was cool, I wish my ex would be here with me to see it... End even if you say that the soul is the essence of the mind then okay... it is still the same thing... the essence will leave my body when I will die and will be one with the universe once more... but the essence will be just that... essence... that means no memories, no recollection of who I was, no individuality... The me I know will still be dead and six feet under!
I assume that perhaps only 2% of people believing in a god are actually sane enough to make the difference between the soul and the mind. If the soul exist then okay, when you die it may go to Manitu's plains, Heaven, be one with the universe or whatever... but you, you the individual, the mind, the consciousness, the life form, the body, the human, the ideas you have, the love, the feelings, the memories and everything you know it is you... well... that HAS to remain behind... (six feet under or incinerated). So... I will only say this once: YOU only live once!
And so is a tree (btw, I took a brief look at that one again. Puff, puff, zip, zip - same drill). And they also have a soul. Or at least they have something that connects the tree, the ugly grass, the filthy human, the rabid rabbit, the dumb dove, that dieing flower from the vase, the stray dog, the slick rat, the orgasmic pig, the funny cockroaches, the happy worms chewing somebody six feet under and all the rest of the colorful bunch of critters on this planet (hence that we might be disconnected "spiritually speaking" with aliens, not proven yet - more experiments are needed).
Countless experiments have proven the reactivity of plants to music, voice, feelings (don't underestimate the power of optimism and harmony influencing those around you) or physical acts. I remember about one, where it was proven that plants reacted to the vicinity of somebody harming them allot and not reacting to somebody else. Yes... plants have memory as well. Every life form's existence is precious. Every human, animal or plant has an individuality and it is unique.
I thus start postulating my utopia, I call it the Earth of the Gods - the world we should make for ourselves (the number is relative only to the fact that this is the first I mention, has nothing to do with the importance):
Postulation 1
Every life form is an individual of this world.
Every individual, regardless or the kind, kin, race, reign, legacy or form is precious.
There is a natural balance among life forms on this planet.
Destroying life with disregard of the individuality or the balance itself is an act of perpetuation and encouragement for genocide.
Genocides must be eradicated and discouraged.
Here lies the autumn of my hopes.
I arrive and I also catch her. But that's an other story. This story continues a few hours later. The headache is almost gone now, so is my bitter laziness. I call it melancholy. But I'm honest with you - it is actually laziness.
First cigarette - made a tea also. Hot black tea made of tea plant. Good stuff. It is also my substitute for the daily caffeine overdose. I've been sleeping the whole week since I do this. Drinking tea instead of coffee. My body was revolted by the sudden dictatorial decision over my body. It is like the government would forbid milk to the population. Hard stuff... But I resisted. And here I am now.
In the cold. Third floor on the terrace. With a self made cigarette and a cheap zippo. Chik chik chik puuuf aaaa. But still cold. Zip of tea. Good stuff. The cold is not that bad after all. On the left the hill is still almost green. Perhaps yellowish. But the rest is a mixture or brown and green. The conifers are the only green patches actually. It's like a sea of brown waves with green light sparkles and white-gray foam - the mist is dissipating now, only oases of white-gray mist remain. It is beautiful. Zip, zip, puff, puff. In front is the parking lot. Quite small, but with a string of green grass. Curious green I might say. The young trees almost have all the leafs down.
I start thinking about that tree. Looks so fragile. For a tree I mean - it's still 5-6 meters tall. It is 0 degrees. Celsius. That would be 32 Fahrenheit (just in case you need to know that). The tree dumps all its leafs in autumn. I still find it fascinating. Why do leaves fall in autumn? It is because of thirst they say. It is not the cold triggering the falling, it is the lack of water. And trees know that in the winter they can't give all the water needed to the leaves needed for perspiration. The conifers, however, have small leaves and protected by the wax. Kind of smart for them, but also very hard to adapt to warmer climates.
Anyway, enough with the science... it is still romantic to see all those leaves on the grass. Every autumn the trees bow down their beauty when their clock says bow.
The inner clock of plants intrigues me. Where is that clock... in the trunk? in the roots? Perhaps I should go over there, lean my ear on it and listen... If I do it really careful I might hear it.
Yoga. The relaxing playlist I made on youtube has a variety of songs. This one says something about yoga. Link after link, related to related, I start playing a strange "yoga" clip. The ol' batter hindu lady presented in the clip is speaking about yoga and why is it so cool what she's saying.
I listen a bit, if there is any kind of religion or belief of life closer to my atheist mind then it would be somewhere in that part of Asia... So I listen. She speaks about soul. I can't deny the existence of soul, so I still listen to what she has to say "everyone has a soul BUT ..." Here is where I stop. She made a conclusion based on poor arguments provided by her axioms which were meant to be disclosures of the truth in any religion. Once she put the emphasis on the "but" she tried to hide her weak argumentation with some other "..." knowledge. So I simply stopped watching. It is a shame... she had such a nice relaxing voice.
I browse forward in the relaxing clips. This one is nice. I lean back on the chair, and strut my feet on an other chair and enjoy the calm of the music. My mind flows into the subject of the soul for some more time. The song is over, and look around for an other one to jack in my playlist.
One comment catches my eye. I didn't save it but it was something like she was feeling relaxed... and life after death and the joy of reunion with the universe and so on and so forth when you die. My left eyebrow raises (I hate this word, always mistyping it) a bit. Foolish simpleton. How can you confuse so bluntly the soul with your consciousness? How can you believe that your soul is your mind?
I'm an atheist and I say it proud, but even I can not discard a notion perpetuated for the millennial time of humanity without having a strong based argument. I'm speaking about the soul - I can't say that I have one or not, where I'm staying it is like 50-50... but even so... I KNOW that NO RELIGION implies that my soul is my mind... it would be hilarious... to be one with the universe and "think" boy that supernova was cool, I wish my ex would be here with me to see it... End even if you say that the soul is the essence of the mind then okay... it is still the same thing... the essence will leave my body when I will die and will be one with the universe once more... but the essence will be just that... essence... that means no memories, no recollection of who I was, no individuality... The me I know will still be dead and six feet under!
I assume that perhaps only 2% of people believing in a god are actually sane enough to make the difference between the soul and the mind. If the soul exist then okay, when you die it may go to Manitu's plains, Heaven, be one with the universe or whatever... but you, you the individual, the mind, the consciousness, the life form, the body, the human, the ideas you have, the love, the feelings, the memories and everything you know it is you... well... that HAS to remain behind... (six feet under or incinerated). So... I will only say this once: YOU only live once!
And so is a tree (btw, I took a brief look at that one again. Puff, puff, zip, zip - same drill). And they also have a soul. Or at least they have something that connects the tree, the ugly grass, the filthy human, the rabid rabbit, the dumb dove, that dieing flower from the vase, the stray dog, the slick rat, the orgasmic pig, the funny cockroaches, the happy worms chewing somebody six feet under and all the rest of the colorful bunch of critters on this planet (hence that we might be disconnected "spiritually speaking" with aliens, not proven yet - more experiments are needed).
Countless experiments have proven the reactivity of plants to music, voice, feelings (don't underestimate the power of optimism and harmony influencing those around you) or physical acts. I remember about one, where it was proven that plants reacted to the vicinity of somebody harming them allot and not reacting to somebody else. Yes... plants have memory as well. Every life form's existence is precious. Every human, animal or plant has an individuality and it is unique.
I thus start postulating my utopia, I call it the Earth of the Gods - the world we should make for ourselves (the number is relative only to the fact that this is the first I mention, has nothing to do with the importance):
Postulation 1
Every life form is an individual of this world.
Every individual, regardless or the kind, kin, race, reign, legacy or form is precious.
There is a natural balance among life forms on this planet.
Destroying life with disregard of the individuality or the balance itself is an act of perpetuation and encouragement for genocide.
Genocides must be eradicated and discouraged.
Here lies the autumn of my hopes.
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