Autumn of hope (or melancholy of the past and feature)

Cold. Freezing cold. My finger cut gloves are exposing my fingers to the cold wheel of the mutilated car I have. Harg harg harg brvuum. Good. Still works. I can be on time to catch her. I'm going to my job. It's Sunday but I have late shift. It pays the bills, more or less. I hurry on the empty streets. Brown leaves take off mayhemically after I pass by. I must slow down, the brakes don't seem to act as good as I need them.

I arrive and I also catch her. But that's an other story. This story continues a few hours later. The headache is almost gone now, so is my bitter laziness. I call it melancholy. But I'm honest with you - it is actually laziness.

First cigarette - made a tea also. Hot black tea made of tea plant. Good stuff. It is also my substitute for the daily caffeine overdose. I've been sleeping the whole week since I do this. Drinking tea instead of coffee. My body was revolted by the sudden dictatorial decision over my body. It is like the government would forbid milk to the population. Hard stuff... But I resisted. And here I am now.

In the cold. Third floor on the terrace. With a self made cigarette and a cheap zippo. Chik chik chik puuuf aaaa. But still cold. Zip of tea. Good stuff. The cold is not that bad after all. On the left the hill is still almost green. Perhaps yellowish. But the rest is a mixture or brown and green. The conifers are the only green patches actually. It's like a sea of brown waves with green light sparkles and white-gray foam - the mist is dissipating now, only oases of white-gray mist remain. It is beautiful. Zip, zip, puff, puff. In front is the parking lot. Quite small, but with a string of green grass. Curious green I might say. The young trees almost have all the leafs down.

I start thinking about that tree. Looks so fragile. For a tree I mean - it's still 5-6 meters tall. It is 0 degrees. Celsius. That would be 32 Fahrenheit (just in case you need to know that). The tree dumps all its leafs in autumn. I still find it fascinating. Why do leaves fall in autumn? It is because of thirst they say. It is not the cold triggering the falling, it is the lack of water. And trees know that in the winter they can't give all the water needed to the leaves needed for perspiration. The conifers, however, have small leaves and protected by the wax. Kind of smart for them, but also very hard to adapt to warmer climates.

Anyway, enough with the science... it is still romantic to see all those leaves on the grass. Every autumn the trees bow down their beauty when their clock says bow.

The inner clock of plants intrigues me. Where is that clock... in the trunk? in the roots? Perhaps I should go over there, lean my ear on it and listen... If I do it really careful I might hear it.

Yoga. The relaxing playlist I made on youtube has a variety of songs. This one says something about yoga. Link after link, related to related, I start playing a strange "yoga" clip. The ol' batter hindu lady presented in the clip is speaking about yoga and why is it so cool what she's saying.

I listen a bit, if there is any kind of religion or belief of life closer to my atheist mind then it would be somewhere in that part of Asia... So I listen. She speaks about soul. I can't deny the existence of soul, so I still listen to what she has to say "everyone has a soul BUT ..." Here is where I stop. She made a conclusion based on poor arguments provided by her axioms which were meant to be disclosures of the truth in any religion. Once she put the emphasis on the "but" she tried to hide her weak argumentation with some other "..." knowledge. So I simply stopped watching. It is a shame... she had such a nice relaxing voice.

I browse forward in the relaxing clips. This one is nice. I lean back on the chair, and strut my feet on an other chair and enjoy the calm of the music. My mind flows into the subject of the soul for some more time. The song is over, and look around for an other one to jack in my playlist.

One comment catches my eye. I didn't save it but it was something like she was feeling relaxed... and life after death and the joy of reunion with the universe and so on and so forth when you die. My left eyebrow raises (I hate this word, always mistyping it) a bit. Foolish simpleton. How can you confuse so bluntly the soul with your consciousness? How can you believe that your soul is your mind?

I'm an atheist and I say it proud, but even I can not discard a notion perpetuated for the millennial time of humanity without having a strong based argument. I'm speaking about the soul - I can't say that I have one or not, where I'm staying it is like 50-50... but even so... I KNOW that NO RELIGION implies that my soul is my mind... it would be hilarious... to be one with the universe and "think" boy that supernova was cool, I wish my ex would be here with me to see it... End even if you say that the soul is the essence of the mind then okay... it is still the same thing... the essence will leave my body when I will die and will be one with the universe once more... but the essence will be just that... essence... that means no memories, no recollection of who I was, no individuality... The me I know will still be dead and six feet under!

I assume that perhaps only 2% of people believing in a god are actually sane enough to make the difference between the soul and the mind. If the soul exist then okay, when you die it may go to Manitu's plains, Heaven, be one with the universe or whatever... but you, you the individual, the mind, the consciousness, the life form, the body, the human, the ideas you have, the love, the feelings, the memories and everything you know it is you... well... that HAS to remain behind... (six feet under or incinerated). So... I will only say this once: YOU only live once!

And so is a tree (btw, I took a brief look at that one again. Puff, puff, zip, zip - same drill). And they also have a soul. Or at least they have something that connects the tree, the ugly grass, the filthy human, the rabid rabbit, the dumb dove, that dieing flower from the vase, the stray dog, the slick rat, the orgasmic pig, the funny cockroaches, the happy worms chewing somebody six feet under and all the rest of the colorful bunch of critters on this planet (hence that we might be disconnected "spiritually speaking" with aliens, not proven yet - more experiments are needed).

Countless experiments have proven the reactivity of plants to music, voice, feelings (don't underestimate the power of optimism and harmony influencing those around you) or physical acts. I remember about one, where it was proven that plants reacted to the vicinity of somebody harming them allot and not reacting to somebody else. Yes... plants have memory as well. Every life form's existence is precious. Every human, animal or plant has an individuality and it is unique.

I thus start postulating my utopia, I call it the Earth of the Gods - the world we should make for ourselves (the number is relative only to the fact that this is the first I mention, has nothing to do with the importance):

Postulation 1

Every life form is an individual of this world.
Every individual, regardless or the kind, kin, race, reign, legacy or form is precious.
There is a natural balance among life forms on this planet.
Destroying life with disregard of the individuality or the balance itself is an act of perpetuation and encouragement for genocide.
Genocides must be eradicated and discouraged.

Here lies the autumn of my hopes.